A Veritable Tsunami of Stupid

To think it took Al Gore to bring the formidable power of anecdotal science to bear on the dumbing down of our public schools:

... It's a bit like the melting of the polar ice caps. Sure, there's been alarmist data about it for years, but until you see it for yourself, the deep visceral dread doesn't really hit home.

He cites studies, reports, hard data, from the appalling effects of television on child brain development (i.e.; any TV exposure before 6 years old and your kid's basic cognitive wiring and spatial perceptions are pretty much scrambled for life), to the fact that, because of all the insidious mandatory testing teachers are now forced to incorporate into the curriculum, of the 182 school days in a year, there are 110 when such testing is going on somewhere at Oakland High.

... But most of all, he simply observes his students, year to year, noting all the obvious evidence of teens' decreasing abilities when confronted with even the most basic intellectual tasks, from understanding simple history to working through moderately complex ideas to even (in a couple recent examples that particularly distressed him) being able to define the words "agriculture," or even "democracy." Not a single student could do it.

It gets worse. My friend cites the fact that, of the 6,000 high school students he estimates he's taught over the span of his career, only a small fraction now make it to his grade with a functioning understanding of written English. They do not know how to form a sentence. They cannot write an intelligible paragraph. Recently, after giving an assignment that required drawing lines, he realized that not a single student actually knew how to use a ruler.

It is, in short, nothing less than a tidal wave of dumb, with once-passionate, increasingly exasperated teachers like my friend nearly powerless to stop it. The worst part: It's not the kids' fault. They're merely the victims of a horribly failed educational system.

In truth, the magnitude of this crisis is nearly impossible to understate. What goes without saying (but requires a professional journalist to relate to us) is that the stunning powerlessness of virtually everyone involved should shock and horrify every American. Because it's not the kids' fault. They are, of course, "victims of a horribly failed system", and their teachers are "nearly powerless" to stop the tsunami of stupid.

But one really feels for the parents in this heartbreaking situation. Not only are they the first generation to produce offspring even dumber than their forebears; but to add insult to injury, somehow the vast majority of them have yet to notice their high school aged darlings can neither form a sentence nor write an intelligible paragraph. It must be absolute hell to be so smart and well educated, yet manage to raise functionally illiterate teens without it raising so much as a blip on your personal radar screen.

Faced with a nonsequitur of such monumental proportions, we here at home can only wring our hands helplessly and ask the obvious question:

Durnitall, who forgot to pay the *&^%$ attention bill again?

Fortunately, the solution - like the problem - is obvious to any thinking (let alone educated) human being. Obviously, this is yet another area where the harvesting of foetal stem cells is likely to prove efficacious:

Isn't that why almost all creative and artistic people are uniformly liberal and Democratic?

Because their brains are still healthy and functioning. Isn't it about time that we stop pretending that a political point of view twisted by mental illness, is just as legitimate as one informed by a healthy brain? Does anybody still doubt, after watching Bush's lies and behavior, that the man is sick and mentally impaired? When do we finally admit the problem, or do we have to keep invading more countries for no rational reason? How many people have to die before we admit there is a real problem that requires medical treatment?

My purpose in exposing this disease is NOT to simply ridicule conservatives, but to suggest that there may indeed be some sort of treatment that could be found. Stem cell research is a very promising field that could ultimately save our nation from political lunacy. But before we can find that treatment, before we can return to sanity, as a society we need to acknowledge the problem and get help. This needs to become a national priority. People shouldn't be ashamed of being conservative, anymore than they should be ashamed if they had meningitis or water on the brain.

Indeed. Next to Stupidity and Ignorance, Hatred and Intolerance of The Other pose the greatest danger to the freedoms we hold dear. Once again, modern science shows us the enlightened path. Now more than ever, it is imperative to cast off the primitive shackles of organized religion with its antediluvian emphasis on outdated notions of morality and ethics, harvest the cells of dysfunctional thinkers, and use them to create model citizens whose thoughts are more in line with progressive, humanistic values.

Only then can we guarantee that the only people allowed to exercise their Constitutional rights will be those who express support for the right kind of ideas.