We Interrupt This Program....

...to bring you the following public service announcement:

Do you own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher but can't afford shoes? Do you have more wives than teeth? If so, you may be suffering from Jihadawhoseyomama. A common, yet rarely rational, condition that afflicts the mental capacity of thousands of victims each day.
Don't linger in uncertainty, find out for sure today! By answering a few simple questions, you can quickly discover whether or not you, too, may be suffering from the torment of Jihadawhoseyomama:

Do you wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon to be "unclean"?

Do you consider children a viable delivery system for suicide bombs yet vehemently believe that being in the general vicinity of alchohol is immoral?

Do you routinely carrry explosives in your clothing, but feel television is too dangerous for the common man?

Are you aware that vests come in something other than "bulletproof" and "suicide" styles?

After receiving an actual call, were you amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs?

If you answered "Yes" to any, or all, of these questions, you may have been infected by Jihadawhoseyomama. But now, with the help of Congressionally authorized action, you can put an end to your suffering. Help can be found at the nearest Marine Corps or Army location. A simple, unannounced visit is all you need. Just pick up your AK-47, rush it to any coalition checkpoint (barrel pointed forward) and decry your need for help by shouting, "Allahu akbar!" There highly-trained men and women will ensure you receive immediate treatment for your affliction. And, as an added bonus, if you *call* now, your treatment will also include backstage passes to meet Allah and the 72 Raisins!
So why suffer a moment longer? Help is a mad dash away. Bring your gun, your rocket launcher, your unlocked cell phone and join the thousands who have found relief in this proven treatment plan. A cure awaits YOU today!


We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.................